An Odd Contradiction
[Musings from my journal: Tea Bar, NW Portland, October 9th, 2017.]
We are constantly seeking happiness, comfort, and an
“easy-breezy” feeling—yet the stories that we cling onto the most are
redemptive, heroic, painful, and complicated.
We are torn up by the elements of tragedy, yet captivated.
We like to feel
bad for ourselves and we prefer to be at the bottom so we can eventually say we
came out on top. It’s an odd contradiction. *
At the root of any story is the need for nourishment. We
encounter Struggle and Growth. And though we seek and fear both, we cannot
avoid Love or Death.
There is a push and pull in my soul.
I am an odd contradiction.
I love people.
I am indifferent to people.
I want all things leafy and green.
I want all the treats.
I believe in fairies.
I am a skeptic.
I am obsessed with books.
I haven’t finished a book in weeks.
I want the beauty of foliage.
I hope for the rain to go away.
I love the sun.
I can’t handle the heat.
I want to be alone.
I want to be with you.
I pray for no more pain.
I am prideful of my pain.
I wish to stand out.
I do not want to be seen.
I intend to finish this list.
I don’t.
*Inspired by page 226 of the novel “Aleph” by Paulo Coelho
“I
cannot cure despair when people find comfort in it.”
