Unseen by Human Eyes

I will never accurately see myself for who I am on the outside. No matter how much I study my exterior, the lenses from which I view myself are mystified by the encapsulation of my own body. And I find that what lies in my heart completely affects the way that I view others, and myself, as though the heart exists as its own lens to the world.

I know what I think lies within my heart and I know what I see in the mirror, but mirrors are distorting. I find myself looking at a stranger with features that are very much mine, but clearly flipped- a reflection of me but not me.

And unlike those who I interact with on a daily basis, who can assess me in moments of intimacy, I cannot look directly into my eyes. I do not see what my heart reflects, nor do I see my eccentricities, mannerisms, or natural tendencies in the way that others do. Furthermore, what others do see accounts for only half of the equation of who I am- if that; therefore; I truly do not know what I look like.

I'm a shadow

I can gather observations vocalized by others and piece that information together into the puzzle that is me- a conglomeration of various skewed and varied perceptions and insights- but the pieces will never quite fit together. When applied, some pieces may incorporate a key bit of information, or richness to who I am, but be incompatible, and I will still be left wondering what’s true. I find that the most genuine and truthful things are those that are not seen.

Perhaps the most accurate version of myself will never be seen- at least not by human eyes.

I imagine myself having an outer body experience, inspecting each facet of myself, counting the freckles across my nose and cheeks, examining my scars, the golden stars reflected in my eyes, and the smile gradually formed by my lips, exuding warmth and gratefulness as I wipe away the opalescent tears shimmering against my lashes.

Then I wrap my arms around myself in a loving embrace, taking note of the frailties and strengths in my build. My physical response is one of hesitation at first, but then I effortlessly meld into the hug and become one with myself.

In that moment the outer body experience is no more and I am content knowing that what I can see of myself, I can live with. I will let the fairies see me for who I am.

I would rather spend my time with the unseen, the unknown, and be driven by curiosity to further discover the beauty of my soul within; a soul interacting with this intricate, unique, and strange body I’ve been given. For as I said before, it is with the unseen where real truth lies.